Impostor syndrome – a systemic perspective

And suddenly there you are. As a senior, a manager or a member of the leadership team. In a position you once thought was for other people.

You have built up experience, you are taken seriously and people seem to look up to you. That did not happen overnight, there is a whole journey behind it. And yet it feels anything but comfortable.

You hear yourself speaking in a meeting. Inside you are doubting, wondering whether what you are saying is actually right. People appreciate you, but you notice it does not really land. As if the recognition moves past you without touching you.

And in your head, the voice keeps circling: any moment now, they'll find me out. And so impostor syndrome travels with you, quietly, unnoticed.

What is impostor syndrome?

The word impostor comes from English and literally means: deceiver. It refers to someone who pretends to be something or someone they are not in reality.

In the context of impostor syndrome, it is not about actual deception, but about the feeling that you are a fraud. As if you are playing a role you do not truly deserve, while in reality, that is usually far from the case.

It is precisely that discrepancy that makes it so confusing: you are functioning at a certain level, but you experience it as though you do not really belong there.

The fear of being exposed

Beneath this experience lies a fear that goes beyond insecurity. It comes with the expectation that becoming visible also means that something will come to light that is not quite right. As if there is a shortcoming somewhere that has not yet been discovered — but could be at any moment.

What you often see as a result is that someone starts to overthink and work harder. It is a way of dealing with that underlying tension. At the same time, the feeling persists that it is never enough.

A systemic perspective on impostor syndrome

From a systemic perspective, we do not view phenomena as something that arises by chance. Instead, we see them as expressions of an underlying imbalance.

Impostor syndrome may feel uncomfortable, but in a sense it serves a function. It is a way in which a system tries to maintain equilibrium.

It does not stand alone, it tells a story about context. And that context is connected to who you are and the (family) history you carry with you.

The cause of impostor syndrome

Your (family) history shapes the way you see yourself and the extent to which you allow yourself to truly occupy your place.

You may still be attuned today to an earlier equilibrium, to loyalties that were once helpful. In that case, impostor syndrome as a symptom is protecting something larger.

Fully acknowledging your place may create tension in relation to where you come from. It therefore feels safer to keep part of that out of view. Only when you are able to see this underlying dynamic does space emerge to carefully allow that part of reality in, without the system losing its balance.

Case study: Loyal doubt

A woman in her early forties comes to see me and tells me that, despite her experience and position, she keeps doubting herself. She works at senior level and is seen as competent, but often feels insecure in meetings and afterwards has the sense that she has been found out. It gets in her way considerably.

From a systemic perspective, it becomes clear that she is the first in her family to work at this level. Her parents had practical occupations, with a strong emphasis on just getting on with things and not standing out from the crowd.

Her development has brought her to a different place than where she comes from. Fully acknowledging her position creates tension, because it also feels like distancing herself from that familiar equilibrium. By not fully allowing her own place, she remains unconsciously attuned to her origins. Her impostor feelings keep her, as it were, within those boundaries.

When recognition comes for both her background and her current position, a greater sense of calm emerges. She no longer needs to keep herself small in order to stay connected and can gradually begin to occupy her position more fully.

The healing movement: occupying your place

The healing movement does not lie in trying harder or convincing yourself that you can do it. It lies in acknowledging what is there and allowing that in, inwardly, bodily.

That requires looking at what you are not yet fully taking with you in yourself. Which qualities you downplay or keep at a distance and what feelings accompany that. Shame may arise or guilt  as if you are letting someone down by truly occupying your place. It can feel as though you are treading on toes, as if your position creates tension in the field around you.

It is precisely those feelings that ask you to learn to endure them, without immediately moving away from them. Occupying your place does not mean it immediately becomes comfortable, but that you can remain standing and allow the discomfort in. And that you can look at yourself without judgement, with a gentle gaze.

What often goes unacknowledged is that this movement also asks something in the form of grief: occupying your place means not only that you allow something in, but also that you leave something behind, such as a familiar balance or an old way of belonging.

Being held

What often helps is to shift your attention from yourself as an individual to the whole of which you are a part. From a systemic perspective, being held is about recognising that you are part of something larger. That you come from a (family) system. That there were, for example, people before you who had knowledge and experience.

When you allow that in, something can shift from having to carry everything yourself to knowing yourself to be held. In that movement, something often changes. More ground emerges beneath you. As if you are no longer standing on loose soil, but on a foundation in which you can take root.

You no longer have to do it alone. And that brings peace.

Exercise: impostor syndrome

A simple exercise is to consciously allow yourself to stand where you stand.

Exercise

Stand up. Feel your feet on the ground. Notice how you are standing, without immediately correcting it. Let your attention drop to your lower body and breathe calmly.

Then speak, out loud or silently to yourself, the words: this is my place, right now.
Notice what happens in your body. Observe what you feel. Perhaps relaxation, perhaps tension, perhaps resistance. Everything is allowed to be there.

By not moving away from it, but staying with it, space emerges. Remain standing for a little longer and let it work through you. As if you are allowing yourself to be present not only mentally, but physically as well.

Conclusion: impostor syndrome

Impostor syndrome and the feelings that come with it are rarely about a lack of ability. They are almost always about a part of reality that has not yet been fully allowed in.

The movement does not lie in correcting, but in seeing what is at play. In acknowledging where you come from and inwardly allowing where you are now.

That asks you to learn to endure the discomfort. And in doing so, you no longer need to prove yourself or justify your place, but can occupy it, step by step.

Curious how coaching or a constellation can help?

Would you like to look at this more closely?

Through Individual Coaching or an Individual Family Constellation, we can make visible what keeps you from truly occupying your place.